Ask a feminist

Struggling to deal with the demands of modern womanhood? Exhausted from supervising the gender expression of family, friends, pets? Filament’s resident firebrand feminist Penny Red is here to help.

I’m a woman of a certain age, and my friends keep tactfully suggesting that I look into Botox. How do I tell them to bog off without causing offence?

Political correctness be damned! The opportunities for fun with Botox are endless.

‘Get some off the black market, twist your features into an evil leer and freeze one half of your face into place.’

With that and leaving some used syringes around your desk at work, I guarantee no one will bother you again.

I am a committed feminist, but I’m uncomfortable with the idea of abortion. What should I do?

I suggest that you don’t have one.

I think I’m a feminist, but I look dreadful in dungarees. In fact, I love lipstick, high-heels and old-fashioned flirting. Do I really have to choose?

Dungarees are the devil’s garment – only toddlers look good in them. It’s more than possible for you to be a feminist and enjoy feminine fashion at the same time – in fact, as a stylish woman and committed gender egalitarianist, you should be steering your male friends down the lipstick aisle.

‘Glamour and ‘old fashioned’ flirting are harmless good fun; however, if for you this includes acting dumb, I suggest you consider accessorising with a backbone.’

I’ve just found out that a male colleague doing the same job as me gets paid more. I love my job and I can’t understand why my work is worth less.

Don’t stand for this, but going in all guns blazing might not be the best approach. Make an appointment with your boss and ask if there’s been a mistake. Ask if perhaps your colleague has been given extra responsibilities that might explain the discrepancy and offer to share those responsibilities. This gives your employer some wiggle room to redress the balance while saving face.

If that doesn’t work, think about how much you really want a job that undervalues your work – you might want to start looking elsewhere. You could also consider taking your present employer to an employment tribunal. There, they will have to explain why they paid you less and if they lose, award you back pay.

Construction workers on my street call out suggestive comments when I go by. I know I should be flattered, but I find it unpleasant. What can I do?

Three options jump to mind:
1. Water pistol. Enough said.
2. Phone the company that employs them and make them aware of the issue. If you don’t get a sympathetic response, a letter to the local paper may elicit one.
3. Return fire. March past yelling, ‘Whip ‘em out, you ballbags!’ The slappers were asking for it and they should be flattered.

Got question about feminism, life or water pistols? Send woes, rants or distressed frothings to askafeminist@filamentmagazine.com. Replies shall be swift and terrible. No personal responses given. Illustration by Hayley O’Connor, stampified by Anthony Lewis. This column first appeared in Filament magazine Issue 1, June 2009.